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The Worst Blogger Ever Award goes to me!!  I am distracted by my dogs, by Eric, by Doogie Howser, tiles, you name it. I get a book in my hands and disappear… I watch episodes of rotten 90’s TV shows that I haven’t seen, and I feel like I am catching up on years and years of stuff I was somehow deprived of, growing up. Maybe I am doing my growing-up, now.

I sleep-talk, I sleep walk, I sleep through every weird possibility my life could have taken, and didn’t, and possiblitlies that life may still take. I am a true nightmare. If you spent a night with me, I would wake you up in the middle of the night with the question “Is it 2″ x 4″ or 2″ x 6″???  I NEED TO KNOW!!!!”

That being said, life is pretty good… Can I divulge for a moment? I wish that I had my sister’s life. She is exploring the Australian outback – not just the outback, but the inback, and the internalback. My sister is a true gypsy soul. She is everything I wish that I could be (in one of the four lives I wish I had). When I was in Europe, I might not have come back… I might have adopted the exact mentality that she has – and it’s working for her!! – if I was more socialble. But I still kinda wish that I was care-free, working my way from place to place, making friends… but, who am I kidding?  That’s her, and not me. I only hope, that if she ever goes back on her 11-year-old-promise that she will NEVER ever get married, that I am invited.

That being said, Eric and I are seriously thinking of moving in together. As in, this may happen within the month. I have this weird time-differential – I jump from 19 to 39… I keep forgetting just exactly how old I am… and then, when I remember, I am a bit shocked, and go straight to “I don’t care”… I kind of feel like a 40-year old in a fat 23-year old body. I think that hiding in dark, dank basement suites the last 5 years may have something to do with that.

My current landlords are selling the house, and, although I am making a decent income, nothing seems to be worth living on your own. It would be nice to go from day-to-day to “hey, we have enough to buzz off for a weekend!”

I guess that, being someone who caters to high-profile clients every day, who are able to put significant amounts of money into different areas of their lives… I feel a bit insignificant (let’s have insignificance to to complete irrelevance – that’d about do it..). I have clients who can spend more money without even blinking than I can make in a year. I have them telling me how to get where they are… and the route is not always pleasurable.

We had a “Life Coach” in the other day, who spoke to us about personal image and our goals… everyone took notes, of course… The whole time, I had about three thoughts going through my head:

1) I would hate to be married to that dude  because I would have to divorce him, and he would be a complete ASS – in that he would be vindictive, descriptive, and completely one-way. This life coach has only one unit in mind – himself – not a family unit, at all. He went so far as to reference himself in all of his “what if” scenarios. I got a lot out of what he was saying, but I kinda hate the guy. He’s a “douche” about 6 different ways.

2) I do need to “Up” my professional standards – stop treating it like a “fresh out of university job” – this includes clothing… I bought a couple of sweaters and a pair of pants yesterday, at Costco, which I really like… but I know that if the president of the company knew that I bought them at Costco… well, that’s just not something you do… I should be buying from … anything with a name brand. Oh, hell, I have at least 6 people a day with D&G sunglasses per day.

(3) I am a bit worried about my aptitude and the company. I know for sure that Empire will train me with their cabinetry people – it’s in the works –  and it’s completely custom, but the VISION of the company is not progressive… that being said, it IS progressive… we can do ANYTHING,,, but generally seem to scoff at modern design… while at the same time, they are willing to train me with what is possible… There are about three of us who have these huge resources behind us, but the master resource wants to have classic kitchens… we want to mix and match, to innovate, to streamline and do spectacular work…

I guess that maybe I am scared that it is just me who wants this. The other two people who could take this market by storm with me may or may not have the guts to do it… I guess it’s quality and innovation vs… what worked for the last ten years…

I wish that I could ask the “upper level” people to re-evalutate their decisions. We can do custom cabinets, we can do ANYTHING seen in magazines…. it’s a brilliant company, limited by a tangle of “how do we get/do this” questions…

What a weird situation. I can push at the boundaries, which have been established… and, until now, we have had a significant amount of clients interested the in style that we can provide… I really, really, REALLY want to deliver. I still have a customer-service mindset, as opposed to the elitest mindself I deal with every day.

I know that it is 10:00 am, but I am choosing to go have a nap, as I have been up since 8, and my head is pounding.

May 2010
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